Assholes at The Palace
A guest submission.
This parody was written by Mike Auquier, in response, as with Parody #3, to the gentlemen who were in front of us at the February 17 1998 show at the Palace of Auburn Hills.
Spurred by my efforts, Mike submits his own, sung, obviously, to the tune of "Gypsies in the Palace" off the Last Mango in Paris album.
Since this lyric also contains some bad words, it has been self-censored. For those of you who insist on enjoying it to the fullest, you can highlight the offenses with your cursor.
There was a time not long ago
I'd always get great seats
I'd stand in line, in rain or shine
These shows are such a treat
But times have changed, I'm sad to say
I should not show such malice
Morons that aren't real fans
Get better tickets at the Palace.
My how things have changed. Hit it boys!
Come on guys, I can't wait to get down to the show
We got some decent seats this time. Hell, we're in the seventh row
I got my pretzel, I got my beer, the lights are going down
My fins are way up, fellows. Jimmy Buffett's back in town.
"Look at all the beach balls! Look at all the lights!"
The four assholes yelled as they took they're seats -- right in my line of sight
They began to hoot and stomp around, and slap each others hands
Hell, they were so distracting I couldn't see the band
They're assholes at the Palace, they're right in front of me.
They're drunk, obnoxious, ape-like jerks. They're so big I can't see.
They ain't got no manners, they ain't got no brains.
But they're assholes at the Palace, and man they are a pain.
They don't stay in their seats for long,
They make lots of trips for beer
They bother people in their row
To get from there to here.
They're assholes at the Palace, they don't know any songs
They're assholes at the Palace, I wish that they were gone.
They're more interested in beach balls, than they are in this show
They bat them at JB himself and cheer when they come close
They all leave their seats again and join the bathroom line
But they come back with refills so they can go another time.
They're assholes at the Palace, of all the lousy luck
They're assholes at the Palace, these guys really suck.
Don't get me wrong, I've had some fun
at many Buffett shows
I've been going almost 20 years
How many beers, God only knows.
I've made my share of noise, my friends
And I've been loud, I'm told
But these guys crossed that line between
Parrothead and asshole
There're assholes at the Palace, jerks without a clue
They're so stewed right now, I don't believe they could even tie a shoe.
You know what gets me really ticked? What gets me so enraged?
They're assholes at the Palace, and they get to go backstage.
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