Love Charms, page 3

I arrived early, sliding into my customary seat in back. I looked around at the other few early people as I took my jacket off. Then I glanced at the clock. I had ten minutes. If Jaime acted differently I could proceed with plan B. I could use the third doll, the CRAIG doll, and I would get rid of that moose. Nothing dangerous of course. There would be nothing cruel. This would not be right. But somehow, some way, I would make sure there was no conflict. Nothing to distract her from me. Craig wouldn't even be a memory! -- No, that was wrong. I couldn't think like that. I was messing with things I was not sure of, so I had to be careful what I did. This next step would take a lot of thought. There was not telling what the consequences would be to even the most seemingly innocent of intentions. If I buried the doll, would Craig suffocate? If I tossed it away, would he vanish? If I threw it in the river, would he drown? If I just took the stitches out and threw it away, would Craig turn up dismembered somewhere? This truly was the most dangerous part and it should be approached with extreme care.

Jaime walked in. I watched her, the full length of her walk from doorway to desk. She caught me staring as she lay her bookbag against the deskleg. "How'd your research go," she asked.
"I really can't say," I shrugged. "I don't know yet. I'll have to get back to see. What about you."
"Oh it's coming along fairly well," she said. "I wrote a few pages last night. I'm writing about love potions."
"Yeah," I replied, already knowing this. "...And it's really interesting. I'm almost tempted to try some of the stuff they say, you know? But it would seem like a lot of trouble to get all the things they ask for."
"What, like toads and bats?" I asked.
"Well, no, but that's not far off. You'd really have to go hunting."
I was about to respond, I came close to possibly saying too much, but before I could speak the teacher came in with manila folders under his arm. That was it. For the next fifty minutes, it was notes. It was tough to concentrate, since I was busy pondering over what had just transpired. She had spoken to me, but this easily be attributed to the fact we'd just seen each other the day before. She was just probably being friendly. Maybe the experiment hadn't worked. Maybe all this was just some common exchange of pleasantries. There was no way of knowing so soon -- but I didn't have the patience for it!

I kept an eye on the back of her head, but she was oblivious to my stares. The teacher bent to the will of his class and let us out a few minutes early, probably because most everyone was already slipping their coats on and collecting their books. I hopped up out of my seat to assist Jaime in getting her coat on, but she found her sleeve before I reached her. She looked up though to see me close behind; she said casually saying "Boy, I'm glad that's over."
I just smiled.
"Did you hear my stomach growling?"
I stifled a laugh. "No. No, I can't say I did."
"Good," she sighed, slumping her shoulders now that she had her handbag in place. "I thought I was drowning out the lecture! How embarrassing." She looked away, toward the door. "Well, I gotta go," she said, as someone appeared in the doorway. "I guess I'll see you Monday."
"Yeah. I guess I'll see you Monday."

I had my eye on the doorway too. Craig was standing there, leaning into the room. He was wearing a yellow and white jersey top, almost too small against his muscular torso. He had white painters pants on, tight against his big thick legs. He looked quite rugged and handsome. He was healthy and athletic. He looked full of life. I stepped over to him, moving blindly around the seats. Craig put out a hand to Jaime, placing it on her back; it was a big hand with long meaty fingers, the back and wrist were covered with fine masculine hair. His touch seemed soft and gentle. With his hand on her back he began to usher her into the hall, but Jaime caught sight of me and turned back. "Hi again," she said. Then she gestured, "This is a friend of mine. Craig. Craig, this is one of my classmates..."
"Joe," I offered.
"Joe," Jaime repeated, smiling.
"Hey there, Joe" Craig said, proffering his large hand. The grip was warm and enveloping, the pressure was damp and comforting. "Jaime tells me you guys are working on your final papers," he began, in a big hearty voice. "I had this same class last year, and man that paper practically killed me. I sat there for days just trying to write and I couldn't come up with nothing, you know?"
"Oh yeah?" I said encouragingly.
"Yeah. And I probably never woulda ever got out of that class, either. But I got lucky."
"Oh yeah?"
"I went home one weekend, and I wrote the paper then. I wrote it on a Tales from the Crypt show! You know, off cable."
"Oh that's great," I said.
"We didn't have cable last year, remember? So no one knew I stole it."
"Yeah well, come on Killer," Jaime said, tugging at him. "Well hey, nice meeting you, guy. Take her easy," Craig said as he followed Jaime.
"Yeah, see ya," I said to their retreating forms. I leaned against the outside wall of the classroom, watching Craig and Jaime as they disappeared amongst the parade of people in the hall. I guess I'd underestimated Craig. He seemed like a great guy. Nice, pleasant, fun to be around. And he sure could fill out a pair of pants!

This thought seemed vaguely disturbing. As did the strangely warm sensation in my face, and the almost light and nervous skipping of my heart. I stood up straight from the wall, brow furrowed in puzzlement. Something was not right. Something was definitely not right, in a distinctly wrongish sort of way. I left the building, following the path which crossed the field. My work turned into a run as I neared the apartment building. I burst through the door and didn't even acknowledge Bob lying on the couch, eating graham crackers and watching his soaps. I sped down the hall to my bedroom, turned on the light, opened my dresser drawer, rooted through socks, and uncovered my love charm. Tied up neatly in red ribbon were CRAIG and JOE poppets.

"Oh God," I blurted out, feeling ill. "Oh God, oh God." I started to panic, backing up against the foot of my bed. "What have I done! What have I done to myself!"
"What, what is it!" Bob called from the other room.
"Oh my God, I'm gay!" I cried. "I've turned myself gay! Oh my God! Oh my God!"
"Will you shut up in there?" Bob shouted. "I'm trying to watch my shows!"
I turned around to confront my room, then turned back to my sock drawer. My hands were shaking, I was breathing heavily. I grabbed the two poppets and quickly unbound them. I made a great show of separating them, putting them on opposite ends of the room, turning them away from each other, all the time muttering "Oh my God. Oh my God" to myself. It was too late. The change was irreversible. The experiment was over. Some cruel twist of fate had left me irrevocably altered!
"What is it," Bob shouted, coming closer. "What's going on!"
"Do I look any different?" I asked, still panicked. "Do I?"
"What are you talking about?" he said, entering the room.
"Do I?" I repeated. "Tell me." I began pacing restlessly, wringing my hands.
"What! What!"
"Oh God," I cried, noticing something new. "I can feel my wrist starting to get sore!" Bob just stood there watching me, confused. I was in such a frenzied state that even if I'd tried to explain what was going on I would've been unable. I suddenly realized I had to get out; I needed some fresh air; I needed some calm collected thinking. I needed to be alone. How could this have happened!? How could I have made such a blunder!? How could I have done such a thing!? How was I going to live now!?

I had had small acquaintance with gays here at college. We'd discussed them in our lifestyles class, two of them had even come to the class to speak, and I was pretty sure the two guys downstairs were gay, but I never expected that I'd become one. I hadn't even taken notes during that class! I suppose my panic and my fears might even be found offensive, but most gays come to terms with themselves over a lifetime...while I had had it suddenly thrus-- ...No. It couldn't be true. I knew it wasn't. It couldn't be. It, it didn't feel like it. It was a momentary weakness, perhaps. A passing lightheadedness. I felt the same now, didn't I? The cold air outside, where I sat in the woods behind the apartment, was refreshing and invigorating. I felt better. I felt like myself again. My resolve was even stronger when I realized the spell could not have taken effect since the full moon had not come yet. What I'd felt had been some kind of precursor. Yes. Some vague twinge of magic in the making. But I had caught it in time. I would need to quickly redo the experiment today though. I would need to get everything back on track. Craig might be a really nice guy, but this would not have worked out. I needed to get Jaime and me back together -- the way we were meant to be!