GMA’s Worst Lubb Songs

    Usually I hate this kind of article, lists so thoughtlessly thrown together you know they were printed just to take up space. Yet, here I am blockquoting the article nevertheless. Good Morning America has assembled what they consider the “Worst Love Songs of All Time” and, whaddaya know, Jimmy Buffett is on it. But, instead of arguing some controversial point, the writer of the list chooses the decidedly non-love song “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw”.
    Way to make a stand there. Choose a song that already is not a love song and tell us how it’s not a love song. Didn’t Jimmy, himself, already say as much on Feeding Frenzy with the “A Love Song (From a Different Point of View)” track name?
    But I guess I’m asking too much of the writer to know what she’s talking about. For example…

Jimmy Buffett: ‘Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw’

    Doesn’t the name just say it all? What’s not to love in this explicit token of affection Jimmy Buffett wrote? I guess you could argue that Buffett should get bonus points for being direct and honest. (That’s plus two for Buffett.) There’s no wasting time here. But, there’s also no cuddling afterward.

Honey why don’t we get drunk and screw
I just bought a waterbed
It’s filled up for me and you
They said you’re a snub queen
Honey, I don’t think that’s true
So, why don’t we get drunk and screw

    Yeah, we heard you the first time and so the repetition makes this overt come-on more lame and lackluster — if that’s possible. Once again, Buffett gets a point for calling his lady “honey,” but it’s minus 1,000 for referring to her as a possible snub queen and bringing up a waterbed.
    First, if she has a bad back, a waterbed is the last place she’ll want to be. Second, a waterbed — seriously? How 1970s gross of you. She’ll love it so much, she’ll probably close out her tab and go home — to her bed — alone.

    Yes, what was Jimmy thinking calling his lady a snub queen (whatever that is). And how dare a 1970s song make a 1970s reference. But what should I expect from someone who thinks she’s uncovered a heretofore hidden stalker subtext in The Police’s “Every Breath You Take”.
    P.S.: Oh yeah — Happy Valentine’s Day. Hope this wasn’t too bitter.