My dedication to this website has backfired on me. While striving to be as fat as I can be and then writing about it here on my homepage, I have now jeopardized my ability to type at all. Oh the irony! I have rendered myself so fat as to be unable to reach the top row of my keyboard. I can stretch my little arms all I want, I can lean against the computer table until a solid groove is cut into my wide girth, but I simply can not reach any of the number keys or the letters Q through P (and those bracket thingies). (I can’t reach the function keys either, but nobody uses those.)As a reference, here is a list of the letters I will be limited to in all future posts:
Z X C V B N M
I hope all this will not be an inconvenience.
Update: Reader T.K. of Northville helpfully points out I can rest the keyboard right on my stomach itself. This does indeed work a lot better, but my man-boobs keep hitting the CTRL and Shift keys. I’ve accidentally rebooted my computer three times just trying to edit that last sentence. [6:20 PM]
Update update:
This is a joke, right? Your webcam captures do not reflect that level of pudgehood.
a gh , s a j j k ng!
Oh. Ok.
I’ve found that a combination of T.K.’s suggestion and holding a pencil between my teeth have me back to typing adequately. (Kind of like last Sunday’s Malcolm in the Middle now that I think of it.) (Phew, italics are tough!)
This allows me to translate my previous comment. What I’d intended to type was “Yeah, right, I wish it was just a joke.”
Sorry for any confusion. And thank goodness the rest of my entries won’t have to look like that!