All these years we thought Michael Jackson was scientifically transfiguring himself into the likeness of a very pale Diana Ross. I recently uncovered the true method to his madness. Jackson is in fact transmogrifying himself into a young Stephen King!This proves conclusively that Jackson is more gorped in the head than we thought. And that Entertainment Weekly does have its uses after all.
Update: following up on this breaking story, UPI reporters asked Jackson for his response. He is said to have shifted a small child from his lap, giggled like a ninny, put a mask over his mouth, and thanked them profusely for giving him the “best selling, master of horror” award.
P.S. I apologize most sincerely to a certain subsection of my audience for posting an image of Michael Jackson on this site.
