Near Death Experience (NDE)

    Ever since reading an article in a magazine I’ve been recalling a strange event which happened to me a while ago. I might as well share it with you.
    While practicing for a local power-eaters contest, I believe I had a near-death experience. I accidentally swallowed a whole cheeseball, cutting off all my air. I felt strangely calm however. I saw a bright tunnel of light, and began to sense deceased relatives gathering around to welcome me. I knew it was not my time though, so I managed to Heimlich into a Baggie (no reason to waste a perfectly good cheeseball) and slowly I began to recover.
    As the vision dissolved, I could hear fading away the voices of those who had gone beyond. “Bastard! How typical. We traveled all this way and not even a hello! Same thing as before. But next time — peh — nothing! You can go, but next time I’m staying home.” After that I spent the evening watching TV and taking aspirins dipped in gravy.*
    *Helps them go down easier.