Giving Criminals What They Deserve

Due to lax security at this webpage, I am once again able to write to you about my take on current events. Yes, I am no longer CEO of the RIAA, but I still take an active interest in our ongoing crusade against the unrighteous. As you may have read, our remedial crusade is truly coming to fruition, as 261 lawsuits were filed against the worst and most egregious marketers of contraband. These heinous criminals are not only trafficking in stolen goods but are probably drug fiends, which itself has well-documented links to terrorism. Is it too much of a stretch to claim the RIAA’s actions are not only just but patriotic? I think not.
    All this talk about how the RIAA is a big dinosaur defiantly ignorant of its own inexorable and imminent demise, lashing out litigiously in its death throes, is full of beans. In fact I’m pleased that our present course of action is attracting attention in other business markets. The auto industry, for example, facing severe losses due to overseas competition, is seriously considering suing any US citizen who drives a foreign car. And television broadcasters will soon be suing any and all TV viewers who change channels during commercial breaks or who walk away from their TVs and actively ignore advertising messages. To the naïve, these may seem draconian actions; but it’s what corporations nowadays have been driven to in order to get their due. And you have no one to blame but yourselves. You have been shirking your duties as consumers. Come on and do your part, you ungrateful bastards.