short fat guy online

    What a shock.
    The mideast declares an oil embargo on us, and guess what our administration’s solution is — drilling in Alaska! Who’d’a thunk it?! Drilling in Alaska. That old song and dance Dubya’s been working on since we first heard of him. I swear, Bush has been gunning to violate Alaska so badly that I wouldn’t be surprised that he was on the phone asking for the embargo. At last, at last, GWB has the excuse he’s been waiting for. It’s taken months and months of patient waiting, but finally he can drive his derrick in that sweet unspoiled countryside.
    Hear that slapping sound, don’t you? …Well, actually it’s Cheney and Dubya high-fiving each other.
    Hear that other sound? It’s the roar of traffic as an indifferent America shrugs and starts its commute to work. After all, Alaska is too far away to be of consideration and we’d rather buy the biggest SUVs we can find with the worst mileage. Who cares that our emissions and pollutants have screwed up our ecology so bad that we now get rain for Christmas and snow for Easter.
    Let’s not consider conserving, let’s not consider developing alternate energy sources. Energy secretary Spence Abraham has to be right. After all, his face is a quarter-scale miniature of Alaska itself. It’s only forests; they’re only animals. If you want trees, you can see them on the expressway median. It’s just, I thought it might be nice simply to know there was some stretch of land somewhere that we hadn’t violated, that we hadn’t screwed up. Some green part of the Earth untouched by mankind. But I know that’s impossible. We’re men; and we love to destroy stuff. Besides, it’s not recognizable as land unless there are yellow lines painted on it and a Blockbuster or a CVS drug store near it, right? And everyone knows a Republican’s idea of preserving the environment is planting saplings in front of a factory.
    Yeah, I know. A cheap shot.
    I should actually be happy for Dubya. He’s close to getting what he’s always wanted. Good things come to he who waits, as they say. I’m still waiting for stuff to start making sense.
    Update: I just read Bush’s plan was voted down in the Senate, 54-46. Congratulations and thank you to Senators Daschle, Kerry, Lieberman, and McCain in particular.
    Now let’s get to work on alternative energy sources.