As my unplanned experiments in weight gain continue, I’m noticing an increased difficulty in cutting my toenails. My expanding flesh makes it not only nearly impossible to reach my feet but also to
see my feet. I suppose I should just ask someone else to perform this chore for me, but for whatever reason other people do not seem to want to associate with or get to near me. This has forced me to try various alternatives, some good some bad.
One initial option was coercing one of the wandering neighborhood dogs to assist me. This was a painful and gruesome mistake, and, looking back at it now, I really should’ve known better. It’s just a good thing I’m so sedentary since this keeps me off the bloody stumps which were my feet. The second misguided option was putting my toes against a belt sander. This works fairly well, actually; but the drawback is that the sparks are rather hypnotic and they can distract me from knowing when to pull my toes away. Probably the method I found most successful, and which I sort of learned by default, is to simply wear two pairs of socks. This is good cosmetically, if for whatever reason I need to remove my shoes in public; as well as being good emotionally, since it keeps my mind off my toenails.
I hope these observations might be of use to you; and if you have any of your own suggestions, feel free to share them.
This is the best update I’ve ever seen on this page and made me “laugh out loud” as the kids say these days.
Good show!