Top Ten

    Back in the day, I used to assist TV’s Bob Zahari, host of Maclean Hunter’s The Sportsdesk, in the creation of his Top Ten Lists (which were obviously inspired by David Letterman). It’s been a while since I wrote one of these, but here goes…
Top Ten Good Things About Being Fat
      10.   When driving, stomach acts as secondary air bag.
        9.   No need for buttock enhancement surgery.
        8.   Friends never at a loss for cruel nicknames.
        7.   Fast food proprietors know you by name.
        6.   Larger rear end means you can carry armchairs and still have your hands free.
        5.   Distended stomach gives private parts extra privacy.
        4.   Constant threat of heart attack gives every day an exciting uncertainty.
        3.   Widened belly button provides extra storage space.
        2.   Come Summer time, bigger belly flops.

And the number one good thing about being fat…

        1.   Mathematically speaking, you’re twice the person anybody else is.