On Vacation

    It’s not that I don’t want to update this page, it’s that I just have nothing much to say.
    Yes, we’re near the end of the Holiday Eating season, but still in the middle of its biggest week. Everything is going nicely — too nicely in fact, since I’m surrounded by rich leftovers and sweet desserts. (Those cloning idiots have nothing on me! I duplicated myself the natural way: by doubling my body mass!)
    I’ve piled on so many pounds I can barely leave my chair. I feel like the prize turkey in Dickens’s Christmas Carol: “He never could have stood upon his legs, that bird. He would have snapped ’em short off in a minute, like sticks of sealing wax.” In fact, it appears others have noticed this weakness in my cracking, arthritic knees and are trying to take an advantage of it. I spotted this image in the message board of some rival website, where it appears some kind of attack is imminent! I’d send over inspectors, but actually I can just browse the site from here.   [1:59 PM]
    Update: I guess the opening salvos have already begun. I’ve received nine e-mail viruses already today. True, they could be from idiots trying out their new and unprotected Christmas computers, but I’m betting it was all her. My Norton AntiVirus nipped those viruses in the bud, so obviously she’s underestimating me. Nice try, Redhead; better luck next time.