short fat guy online

    You know, it’s funny the things you think of when you’re crouched in the corner of a darkened booth of the local adult bookstore. It’s almost —
    No. Sorry. That was supposed to be sent to a different webpage.
    What I meant to talk about was the snack machine here at work. As you might imagine, I make frequent visits to it during the day. I think of it as a giving and generous companion. But I still always find it strange the way it’s set up. It’s got six rows (if you don’t count the row of chewing gum on the bottom) with four items on each row. The rows are numbered 1-6; the items have been given even numbers (for no real reason) and are numbered 0-6. But, inexplicably, we’re asked to punch a three digit number into the keypad to select our snack.
    Like I said, there are only six rows of selections, and I know there are less than a hundred items in the machine (I haven’t tried them all, but I know). So why are the Fritos on the top left numbered 110 and the ranch-flavored Ruffles right below them numbered 120? Is having me press an unnecessary 1 every time I want Cheetos (#114) supposed to be their way of helping me exercise my pointing finger?
    It’s just silly. And I guess it’s one more of life’s unanswered questions.

    Without going into any gory details, I am again compelled to ask: why oh why do I persist in eating peanuts?!
    For example, consider this timeline extract from the scientific field guide being compiled on me (details later):

8:42 PM: Subject comes home, sees peanuts, takes handful, goes to computer room.
8:47 PM: Subject returns to kitchen, sees peanuts, takes handful, returns to computer room.
9:02 PM: Subject finds another reason to return to kitchen, sees peanuts, takes handful, returns to computer room.
9:13 PM: Subject gets peanuts from kitchen, takes them to computer room. Says this will keep him from eating peanuts by the handful.
9:48 PM: Peanuts completely consumed. Subject is lying on floor of computer room moaning to himself.
10:08 PM – 11:18 PM: Subject in bathroom. Observations prorogued for time being.