Dial the “1”

Posted on October 12 2002 by Mickey
    I just heard a standup comic* joking about how old people always insist on giving out long distance numbers by preceding it with a one. The joke is that everybody knows you dial a 1 first, and that old people are too set in their ways to adapt and drop the obvious reference.
    Well, let me tell you, way too many people do not know they need to dial the 1. Too many people when they see “800-800-8000” on a billboard or on TV will dial exactly those ten numbers — which does nothing more than piss off the unfortunate sod who has 800-8008 for a phone number.
    I speak from experience. My neighboring area code is 248 and in a cruel twist of fate my phone number at work has a 248 prefix. Thus, hilarity ensues. Much too frequently (especially this morning as it turns out), we’ll get calls for AAA, the public library, a law office, the power company (DTE)…all because businesses are following that standup comic’s advice and assuming it’s safe to drop the 1 from their ads. And because too many people are too stupid to know they need to dial that 1 first.
    In short, do not be swayed by that standup comic. Don’t make fun of old people for reminding us to dial 1. Cherish them, teach them to dial the 1, quit calling me.
    [ *The standup comic? It was that hump, Jay Leno. ]
Posted in Personal | 2 Comments

Weekend

Posted on October 12 2002 by Mickey
    If it’s Saturday, it must mean one thing. Taco Bell for dinner. No, two, two things: Taco Bell for dinner and my cable modem is out.
    Almost every weekend, either Friday around 11 PM or Saturday around 11 PM, my cable modem goes out, and it stays out until some tech wanders sleepy-eyed into the headend some time Monday morning.
    I could almost write a top ten list of why my cable company sucks — channel two looks like crap, the cable modem goes out every other week, we used to lose picture every time it rained (though this was corrected when they switched to fiber optics), and it’s too damned expensive. I could add that the movie channels show the same stupid thing all the time, but admittedly that’s really not the cable company’s fault.
    I’m really getting tired of it. And it’s pretty sad when you have to drive in to your workplace to go online.
    P.S.: Speaking of not being able to get anywhere, here’s the Best. 404. Page. Ever.
    To be perfectly honest, this 404 page is pretty sweet too.
Posted in Links, Personal, Tech | 1 Comment

Googlefight

Posted on October 10 2002 by Mickey
    Just in time to help kill a dull afternoon, we discovered Googlefight. Pair up two opposing words or terms and watch them duke it out in the websearch arena.
Posted in Links, Tech | Leave a comment

Another Top Ten

Posted on October 10 2002 by Mickey
    Here’s an official top ten list, straight from Late Show with David Letterman itself. This was broadcast last night and it seemed fairly appropriate.

Top Ten Signs You’re Too Fat

      10.   Only thing you read: takeout menus.
        9.   You’ve had a garage door installed in your bedroom.
        8.   Got cable just for the Food Network.
        7.   You skip your son’s wedding because you don’t want to miss Blimpie’s 2-for-1 sale.
        6.   Red Cross changed your blood type from “0𔄭 to “Pancake batter”.
        5.   Scientists won a Nobel Prize for measuring your gravitational field.
        4.   Blinking leaves you winded.
        3.   You buy ham by the square foot.
        2.   Southwest Airlines makes you purchase 3 tickets.

And the number one sign you’re too fat…

        1.   You start every day with a nice, steaming cup of gravy.

Late Show page             Late Show Top Ten page
Posted in TV | 1 Comment

Why is this not funny?!

Posted on October 4 2002 by Mickey
    Some British organization known as Laughlab is trying to compile the world’s funniest jokes. That’s all fine and dandy, but in some horrible administrative cockup they apparently never got the memo explaining what “funny” means. How can they pick a “funniest joke in the world” when the punchline doesn’t even elicit a smile?!
    Don’t take my word for it. Here are some examples. As of last year, this joke was the front-runner.

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up. “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.”
    Watson says, “I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”
    Holmes replied: “Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!”

    Now I know you’ll need to catch your breath, so please use this sentence to prepare yourself for what has been determined to be the world’s funniest joke. Funniest. As in funny. Fun-nee.

    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: &$8220;My friend is dead! What can I do?”    The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
    There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

    Whew! Wow! Please, no more! Oh my sides ache. I think I broke a rib. Oh that was good. Didn’t see that punchline coming at all. That was a good one. Man! Oh all right, I’m being sarcastic; but seriously, that’s not even the funniest joke I’ve heard since I started typing this entry.
    Besides, everybody knows this is the funniest joke in the world:

Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?
Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

    Now that‘s funny.
Posted in Links, News | 1 Comment

Star Wars Goes to the Dark Side

Posted on October 2 2002 by Mickey
    …by releasing a pan&scan version of Attack of the Clones.
    Don’t know if you are a widescreen snob or a pan&scan idiot? Read starwars.com’s handy guide to letterboxing. (It’s my only hope that people will stop asking what those black bars are for and will stop complaining about “losing picture”.)
Posted in Movies | 1 Comment

REJECTED!

Posted on October 2 2002 by Mickey
    On Tuesday I suffered a terrible blow to my pride.
    I was deemed unworthy, was found unacceptable.
    I was rejected from giving blood.
    Through all my years of donating, this has only happened once (and then it was because I had had a blood test the day before my donation appointment). But on Tuesday I was rejected because of health reasons. I am, to put it simply, too fat to donate.
    I filled out the forms, answered their questions, but I was still kept from doing my part. As usual, I was prepared to donate while lying on the floor, since I have crushed too many of those rickety metal tables from my weight. But, sadly, unexpectedly, frustratingly, the Red Cross center I went to could not find a needle long enough to penetrate to my vein.
    They tried, believe me they tried. One nurse practically stood on my arm to try and force the needle in deeper. Another nurse likened the enterprise to “drilling for oil.”
    However, the layers of fat I consistently add each year proved too much for them, the blood I was willing to share eluded them, and they were forced to let me go on my way. (That is, of course, after I had at least helped myself to some juice and cookies and donuts for my troubles.)    I was presented a chart, which I reproduce here, which might explain the problem. It appears my first stratum of flab (which is responsible for the cute jiggly motions that so entertain the children) has expanded at an abnormal rate. In a sense, it is swallowing up my muscle the way I would gobble up a chicken nugget (and just about as greasily).
    Presumably this is a health risk. And presumably this means I should probably cut down on red meat or buckets of chicken (at least while driving). But I’m still so depressed about being rejected that it’s tough to stop eating these microwave cheese sticks.
Posted in Food, Personal | 1 Comment

It’s a Good Day to be a Geek

Posted on October 1 2002 by Mickey
    December 18 is so far away…













Posted in LOTR, Movies | Leave a comment

QuickTime Two Towers

Posted on September 30 2002 by Mickey
    I guess I parked myself in front of the wrong place. The Two Towers trailer is available at Apple’s QuickTime site, rather than lordoftherings.net.
    12:58 AM: It’s a good day to be a geek.
    I tried adding some screen grabs from the full-screen QuickTime version, but they’re too big for this template. I moved them over to my Movies page instead.
    10:26 AM: I was able to download the AOL RealVideo version of the trailer last night, and I have been sharing it from this site. Now that this new QuickTime version is officially available for download, I have removed my RealVideo version. I have also removed the link to it. Remarkably, in the day and a half I hosted it, it was downloaded 2,010 times.
Posted in LOTR, Video | 2 Comments

Microsoft “Help” Center

Posted on September 30 2002 by Mickey
    A week or so ago I was strongly instructed to download and install the service pack patch for Windows XP. I finally found out why. Apparently there is a server flaw in the XP Help Center which, when run, can cause the Help Center to delete files off your hard drive!
    Gee thanks.
    The process is described on this page; and you can correct the problem by downloading XP’s SP-1 or by running Steve Gibson’s quick little XPdite utility.   [6:41 PM]
    Update: You might want to try the XPdite utility anyway, even if you have already installed the SP-1 update. I ran XPdite just now and it told me the dreaded “uplddrvinfo.htm” file still existed. (Then again I’m tempted to believe my Windows Update install of SP-1 did not work the first time.)
Posted in Tech | Leave a comment