short fat guy online

    8:01 PM: I was at a family get-together earlier, but I taped the pre-show stuff. I’ll have to wait till tomorrow, at the earliest, for any comments and reactions. Meanwhile, the awards show itself is about to start. I keep forgetting how pained Garry Shandling sounds when he delivers a monologue.
    8:14 PM: the first TV award went to a shocked-looking David Hyde Pierce. The first SFG award goes to Heather Locklear’s dress.
    8:17 PM: does a Michael Imperioli win mean the start of a Sopranos sweep? It’s about time of course, but to be honest I thought their last season was dull. Are they directing the show from the back of the stage? That’s cool. And did the audio go to mono?
    8:20 PM: yay, stereo sound is back.
    8:24 PM: what about the start of a Sex and the City sweep too? And the same complaint about Sopranos goes for them as well. By the way, Cynthia Nixon looks nice with brown hair.
    8:25 PM: Arrested De-who? Would that that show could win something. Probably won’t happen for several years though, if the show even gets to last that long.
    8:26 PM: …well, there you go. Arrested Development gets a writing directing award for the pilot. This proves two things. The Emmys are starting to get hip (and more timely) and I suck as a prognosticator.
    8:29 PM: wow, great line-reading there, Jim Belushi. Your skill in delivery must be why your show is so critically well-received.
    8:32 PM: at last, someone used my “And I’d like to sing this” line, over the ever-present orchestra.
    8:49 PM: I’m confused. Didn’t this speech about television striving for excellence just follow a commercial for Wife Swap??!! …I guess that’s explained by the fact most of the montage clips are far from what I’d call examples of excellence. –Hey! those 24 clips should come with spoiler warnings!
    8:58 PM: ick, the Home Improvement guy has a leech on his chin.
    8:59 PM: come on music guys, play the director off. I dare you. And by the way, evidently the control room at the back of the stage is fake.
    9:10 PM: I knew Elayne Elaine Stritch would be bleeped, but for saying “Jesus”? And her entertainingly ebullient rant is one of the reasons why award show producers should not be so eager to get winners off the stage.
    9:12 PM: Daily Show or Letterman? Daily Show wins for writing. Most deserved — for their opening headlines segments, at least. But I still don’t like Robb Corrddrryy or Ed Helms.
    9:22 PM: since they’re nominated four times (in this category), I think Sopranos might win a writing award. But who cares — I’m too busy staring at Sharon Stone.
    9:35 PM: winning the award for dumbest concept: Citibank’s “Thank You” series. Brand new runner-up, Pontiac Buick trying to work “Paperback Wri-tuh” into a car commercial.
    9:39 PM: Daily Show or Letterman? Yay, Daily Show (for best variety series) — and I still don’t like Robb Corrddrryy or Edd Hellms.
    9:43 PM: What! Tony Kushner is gay?!
    9:44 PM: the reality TV awards are next. As if I fricking care.
    9:53 PM: Aw man, they shamed me. I still don’t give a rat’s ass about the reality TV award, but the introduction, utilizing two “real people” off the street, was very cool. In fact, a lot of this production has been quite inventive and imaginative — from the Daily Show’s commercial spoof to David Duchovny’s cameo.
    9:55 PM: Keifer! His voice makes me feel funny. Then again, my PowerBook is starting to heat up. …No, it’s Keifer’s voice.
    10:08 PM: Al Pacino’s win is not much of a surprise, he’d probably get it even if he hadn’t feasted so bombastically on the Angels in America scenery, but it was still fun to see the great convergence of The Godfather and The Sopranos presenters on stage.
    10:11 PM: Chris Rock steals a urinal skit. Alison Janney steals the Emmy from Edie Falco. — Is The West Wing even still on?
    10:26 PM: awww. Kristen Davis is too pretty.
    10:27 PM: NBC needs to let Comedy Central air Late Night with Conan O’Brien at 6PM again.
    10:32 PM: ha ha, the audience was woo-ing Tom Selleck’s introduction of the obituary segment. Also, my favorites need to stop dying.
    10:34 PM: you know, that’s the first time I’ve seen Burger King’s double croiss’anwich commercial. Every previous time I’ve just skimmed past it on tape. I never knew the King face was some shiny mask. How freaking creepy! Why do so many companies advertise food products in the most unappetizing ways? What kind of passive aggressive mind games are they trying to pull?
    10:36 PM: “It’s O-V-E-R.” Right, because that’s so much easier to say than “It’s over.”
    10:39 PM: oh well, so much for my Emmy pool. I was rooting for Keifer but knew it would be Gandolfini. I never expected James Spader would win.
    10:42 PM: but I guessed right on Meryl Streep. No one plays an old Rabbi like Meryl Streep. …Cute speech. I always wonder how the great actors do in real life. Can they act their way out of a parking ticket? Can they act innocently when plotting a surprise party? Can they convince the neighbors that their dog had nothing to do with that dump on the lawn? When they scold their kids, do they hold for applause?
    10:50 PM: yeah yeah yeah. Angels in America wins again. They probably think they’re hot stuff, winning all those awards; but the movie still doesn’t have one Istar or cave troll or Mûmak-slaying elf.
    10:53 PM: holy crap — Arrested Development stole the big comedy series award! Wow! Sounds like Ron Howard and Brian Grazer must have made some phone calls.
    10:59 PM: good thing NBC canned Aaron Sorkin. It gave The Sopranos its chance to win at last…even though it’s a few years late. And they dared to cut off Tony Soprano! Thus the ceremony ends, in a quite timely fashion, as the pavilion fills with the shredded remains of the most damning of the National Guard documents — not to mention the least convincing of the Karl Rove forgeries (you know, the ones with the Comic Sans MS font). No need for any backstage yelling either, since the confetti was let off in an equally timely fashion. Now off to E!’s post-show…where I see I just missed an appearance from my President, David Palmer.